


Parasite

by sociologize



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Late Night Conversations, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 19:25:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16646240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sociologize/pseuds/sociologize
Summary: There's something to be said about the act of betrayal.  It wasn't just a feeling but a parasite, an infection deliberately planted as soon as the knife was twisted in your back.  It wormed its way into your mind and your heart and your soul, slow and deliberate and consumed everything.(Set after the November 12, 2018 episode of RAW)





	Parasite

**Author's Note:**

> A very loose sequel/continuation to [Disarm Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16514414), but you don't have to read that to read this.

There's something to be said about the act of betrayal.  It wasn't just a feeling but a parasite, an infection deliberately planted as soon as the knife was twisted in your back.  It wormed its way into your mind and your heart and your soul, slow and deliberate and consumed _everything_.  It intruded into every thought, the undertone of every word, a part of every action.  The desire, the _need_ for answers, for some kind of vengeance, for solace, for _something_ that will finally, blessedly rip the parasite out.  Maybe not kill it, because it never, ever really _died_ , did it?  But enough that instead of a sharp pang, it was more of a dull ache.  A reminder that it could happen again. It could _always_ happen again.  It could always be you with the knife and the parasite . . . or it could be you with knife in your back and your life consumed.

Seth had already ripped one parasite from himself when he'd beaten Hunter at Wrestlemania, the one-legged man with nothing to lose.  Some had called it a redemption, an end to what had felt like a hanging chapter in his history, and they were probably right. To him, it had felt like much more than that; it had been reclaiming his life back, his mind and heart clear for the first time in _months_ , like he'd broken through a heavy fog and could see the world clearly for the first time again.  It still ache sometimes whenever he gave it to much though, though. Because betrayal did that. It was supposed to do that.  Betrayal scarred you, deeply.

Seth glanced down at his hands in his lap, turned one over to examine his knuckles.  Even in the poor lighting shining in from the street lights and other buildings outside he could make out how the angry red of the skin, the numerous cuts, small and scattered.  Distantly, he wondered if they'd scar too. He watched blood drip between his fingers and onto his pant leg and couldn't be bothered to clean it up, just like he hadn't been bothered to do anything since he got to his hotel room, and his hands settled back into his lap once more.

He wasn't sure how long he had been back; ever since stepping out of the ring he'd been running on some strange autopilot, where his mind had shut down and his heart had taken over completely. There were no plans, no strategies, just Seth and his heart and every bit of hurt and damage Dean's words had caused, dragging him outside into the bitter cold air to find Dean, and when he hadn't found his brother -

He wasn't prone to violent outbursts.  Seth was usually level-headed, even if he had his moments, where his words got away for him or his heart stepped in before his mind could catch up.  He liked to settle his problems in the ring, just like everyone else. But he'd just - for a moment, everything had boiled over, every bitter feeling, every hurt, ever bit of anger he'd ever tried to hold back and it had gotten to a point where he just _couldn't_ take it anymore, and that coupled with not being able to find Dean - he'd taken it all out on an alley wall.  Just a few punches, just enough to get it out of his system. Enough to feed the parasite, enough for him to function again.

If that was what he could even call what he was doing now.  Sitting in his hotel room in the dark, lost in his head and staring at nothing.  A part of him knew that Finn would be walking in soon and he should clean up, maybe make an attempt at hiding the evidence of what he'd done so he wouldn't worry - because Seth had made him worry a lot lately - but he couldn't bring himself to even do that.  He just sat there, staring.

At nothing, at the wall.  But all he could see in his mind was that burning barrel.  See Dean and see him holding up the tactical vest, see him dousing it in gasoline and tossing it into the fire, burning his past.   _Burning it down_.  It had seemed so final and yet, it didn't seem final at all.

Dean's words had hurt as Seth knew they would and they had cut deep - _the burden of being your brother, the burden of watching your back made me weak_ \- but there were other things that Dean had said, after Seth had taken a moment to _breathe_ and process some of it, that had hit him just as hard as the rest of it but in a different way.  A wa he couldn't really describe or put into words, but it wasn't a feeling you got in the midst of an all-consuming betrayal.  Nothing was supposed to break up the monotonous sensation of intruding despair and anger and yet - something Dean said had managed that.

Because Dean didn't say unnecessary things.  Dean talked and talked, could talk for hours and talk circles around most of the roster given the chance, but every word had a purpose.  Every word was chosen carefully, chosen deliberately, every threat and promise carefully crafted to hold more meaning than just the words alone.  It was what made Dean as good as he was. It was what made people _listen_.

Dean wouldn't throw a line about forgiveness in there for _nothing_.  And - yeah, maybe he did believe that the Shield made him weak.  Maybe he did believe that, because Seth had said as much once, didn't he?  Maybe not in the same way, but he'd called them deadweight. And Seth - he could understand that, it wasn't as if he hadn't been there before, too.  Hadn't seen the proof of how strong they could be when they stood on their own. Didn't see the proof already, all three of them grand slam champions, multi-time champions, the top performers in the company, but . . .

_Maybe I hope that one day my brothers can forgive me for what I have done_.

Out of all the things Dean had said that night, Seth found himself clinging to those words, even if they had been words Dean had dismissed almost immediately.  Those were the words that echoed in his head the most frequently, the loudest. That echoed deep in his heart and made the parasite of betrayal that tiniest bit easier to deal with.  If he weren't so exhausted of crying, of being emotional, drained of being drained he'd probably cry that there was some stupid sense of hope in all this. But he had nothing left in him that night.

"Seth?"  He didn't startle as the lights were flipped on the door shut, and Seth tilted his head to glance over as Finn stepped further into the room.  The other man paused there, taking Seth in with a furrowed brow and obvious concern and Seth wanted to laugh and cry and never feel anything ever again, all at once.

"Hi."  He managed, his voice raw and croaky from shouting earlier.  It suddenly dawned on him that he'd left Finn at the arena and that he should apologize for that, but he didn't have that in him, either.  All he'd managed to remember to do was grab his bag before he'd left, knuckles still bloody and dripping all over his things. Finn must have left right after his own match to be here now, and Seth should have felt bad about that.  He'd probably came back to an empty locker room, to blood drops on the bench and no sign of Seth, and left to find him, and Seth should feel bad.

"Hi."  Finn echoed back, his lips quirking briefly before he shrugged out of his coat and pulled the hat from his head, dropping both onto the chair in the corner as he approached Seth.  Seth was reminded of all the times he'd done something similar to Dean, back when they'd _actually_ been together, how he'd done so carefully, like he'd been approaching a wild animal.  But Finn was nothing like that, just sureness and concern, like he knew Seth wouldn't startle or jump him or lash out, even as he knelt between Seth's legs and took his injured hand into his own to assess the damage.  

"Should I feel bad for the other guy?"  Finn asked with a wince, but he kept his tone light.  He didn't assume it was Dea, and Seth was thankful for that.  He shook his head in answer.

Finn gave a hum and turned Seth's hand over in his, an almost thoughtful sound toh is tone.  "Becky get you, then?" There was some teasing mixed into his voice this time as he peeked up, lips quirked up into a faint smile that stayed.  And Seth couldn't help but smile weakly in return, damn him.

"She wishes."  Seth huffed, as weak as his smile.  Finn had teased him all week about that, Becky giving him shit on Twitter, but it had been fun.  He'd gotten a few good laughs out of it and it had been . . . needed. A needed relief from everything else, something that had taken his mind off everything that kept weighing so heavily on him.  "Got angry, took it out on a wall."

"I see."  Finn said, very seriously, and he stood up and gently pulled Seth with him, leading him toward the bathroom.  Seth didn't bother trying to resist. "That poor wall."

Seth gave another weak huff but he grew quiet after that, letting Finn clean his hand up.  He barely flinched as he cleaned the cuts and disinfected them, only closing his eyes when Finn finished up and pressed a kiss to his hand.  He let himself be directed again, back out into the room and to the bed, sat down. And then Finn was going through his suitcase, likely to pull out clothes to sleep in, since he was still in the clothes he'd gone to the ring in, and he was about to tell him not to bother -

Except instead, he yelped when Finn just threw him right in his face.  Seth scowled as Finn laughed, and tried to ignore him as he went over to his own bag to find clothes to change into it.  "That's better." There was a distinctly smug tone to his voice, muffled as it was as he tugged off his shirt.

"Better?" Seth muttered, incredulous.

Finn pulled on a shirt and gave Seth a smile, bright and anything but innocent.  "You're cute when you're indignant."

" _Cute_?"  Seth sputtered, even as he realized what Finn was doing.  He'd done it before, a few weeks ago at the arena. He was disarming him again, pulling him out of the dark place his mind kept spiraling to lately.  Keeping him distracted, keeping him from being consumed so completely.

Every time he realized it he couldn't think of the words to tell Finn how thankful he was that he did it, without it getting complicated and muddled in his head and his heart.

Seth grumbled as he changed and crawled under the covers, and purposely ignored him when Finn joined him, sitting against the headboard.  He heard Finn flip the television on, probably too wired to sleep just yet. They were rarely out of the arena this early, both the kind of wrestlers who stuck around until the end of the show and past that, but on the rare occasion they were done early, there was still that adrenaline, that energy as if they'd remained there anyway.  Seth would normally burn it off in the hotel's gym, or with _other_ activities with Finn, but Finn was fine with sitting and watching late night television like it didn't bother him at all.  

Seth rolled onto his side to face Finn, shifted just the tiniest bit closer so he could feel his heat through the blankets.  Even changed into warmer clothes, even buried under all the blankets, he still felt like he was freezing. "Did you have a match tonight?"  It seemed like a silly question to ask, because he should have known the answer already, but he still wanted to know. Even if he hadn't been there to see it.

"Mmm."  Finn hummed in response and he dropped his hand down to Seth's head, threading his fingers through his hair.  He could hear the smile in Finn's tone, didn't have to look up to know it was one of those smaller ones, no less genuine than the bright, blinding ones, but he could tell that this one had a little mischief to it, too.  "With Dolph Ziggler."

"Yeah?"  Not entirely unexpected, really, but that was interesting.  Seth wanted to sit up and give that his full attention, but Finn's fingers felt too nice to move.  Especially the way Finn's fingers rubbed at his temple in slow, soothing circles.

"Beating him earned me a spot on the men's team."  Finn sounded pleased and Seth couldn't help but feel proud of him because it was a big deal to end up on that team.  He knew that Stephanie took it way too seriously, and he could take a guess that with her being there tonight, putting Finn there had been her decision, not Corbin's.  Hah, Corbin must have been _livid_.  The thought made him grin.

"Sorry I didn't see that."  Seth murmured, and he felt Finn's fingers lightly tug at his hair in answer.  

"You were busy."  The smile was still in Finn's voice and something about that hurt a little, because he - yeah, he was busy, but he always made sure to stick around for Finn's segments.  He couldn't remember the last one he hadn't stuck around to watch. "Don't worry about it. Stick around on Monday, though - I got a match with Drew out of it, too."

"I promise I will." He couldn't deny that there was some lingering anger towards McIntyre and Ziggler, the way they went out there and claimed they had a part in ending the Shield.  Finn knew that, too, because Seth had been absolute shit at hiding a lot of how he felt lately and that was one thing he was open to talking about, practically ranted about it one night as they drove from arena to hotel when they'd first started talking about it.  The chance to watch Finn out there shining like he always did while kicking Drew's ass was something he'd make sure he didn't miss.

Finn hand moved as he leaned down, pressing a kiss Seth's temple, soft and brief.  "Get some rest." He murmured, like he knew exactly what kind of night Seth had. But of course he knew; he had probably watched everything backstage, and seeing Seth afterward - Finn wasn't stupid.  He'd seen how Seth came out of nights like this already.

Seth made an agreeing noise and thought that was it, but Finn seemed to hesitate - or pause to consider what he was going to say next, because Finn didn't really hesitate.  He reached down to tilt Seth's face so they were looking at each other and Seth frowned, but went with it. There was something in his expression that made Seth want to look away.  He resisted, just barely.

"Tomorrow,"  He said quietly, despite them being the only two in the room.  "We'll wake up early and watch some of Shinsuke's tapes." Seth couldn't help but wince a little, opening his mouth to argue but Finn shushed him.  "I know your heart's not in it right now, but on Sunday the last thing I want to see is your face getting kicked in, okay?"

"Finn - "

"I know where your head's at, Seth."  Finn suddenly frowned at him, like he was trying to say more than what his words were. "I know what it does to someone, and I know there's only so much everyone else can do.  I _know_."

Seth knew plenty about Finn, had studied all of his matches in NXT and even knew about his career in Japan, too.  Finn didn't talk much about it but he didn't have to, because when Finn had been an opponent and nothing more, Seth had made sure to do his research.  He knew about it all, the matches and the betrayal Finn had instigated himself, the build up of a faction that had grown and was still around today, and the way they'd turned on him in his last match, because he hadn't wanted their interference and they'd done it anyway.  So yeah, maybe Finn did know. He knew what it was like from both sides, just like Seth did. Maybe not so intensely, but he knew. It was a common ground.

"I know you know."  Seth whispered, just to fill the silence that was stretching between them.  He caught Finn's hand and squeezed it as tight as he could manage. Finn gripped his hand back just as tight, a silent acknowledgement.  

"You said you'd try."  Finn's voice dropped to a whisper too, and he slipped his hand free from Seth's to trail his fingers along his cheek.  "So let me try, too."

Seth swallowed hard, past the lump forming in his throat, and all he could manage was a nod.  He didn't trust his voice anymore, Finn's quiet not-quite-admission and his own feelings suddenly making it difficult.

But Finn accepted that, always accepted that, his not-answers and half-assed answers and _I'll trys_ , with a smile like Seth had made it a promise anyway.  Finn leaned in to kiss him, soft and sweet and painful in a way Seth welcomed.  He welcomed the way this twisted his heart and made his stomach flutter, because this didn't stir anything bad in his head.  This didn't lead his mind down a path of his bad decisions and second guesses.

"Get some rest."  Finn said again, kissed him one more time before he sat up and turned down the volume on the television.  His hand found its way back into Seth's hair, stroking through it as Seth settled as close as he could get, practically burrowing into Finn's hip.

He wondered if Finn realized what he was doing; he probably did, because Finn never did anything without a reason.  He was doing more than just helping him; he was offering him the beginnings of a plan, something that Seth could build off of.  Finn had fought Nakamura before and he was a valuable source of information, but Seth knew he'd be seeing matches more than just their bouts in NXT; he'd be seeing matches from Japan, matches he'd only heard about, likely matches against Finn there as well, under a different name.  

It was an important start.  It was a start he needed, because Finn was right; his heart just wasn't into it, and maybe . . . maybe come Sunday, yeah, he'd be able to throw himself into the match entirely, but for now - this was at least something.  This was something more than letting the parasite eat him alive.

"Thanks."  He muttered into Finn's hip, belated and probably too quiet to hear, and it was something he'd have to say again in the morning when he woke up and realized, again, what Finn had done for him, but he made sure to say it now, too.  

But Finn must've heard, because there was a gentle tug at his hair and a hum, like it was nothing for him to do something nice for Seth at all.  And maybe for Finn it wasn't, but for Seth it meant so much more. He'd have to remember to make that clear, too.

Betrayal was like a parasite that ate you whole, slowly consumed everything about you until all that was left was revenge and darkness, but at least this time around, he was beginning to wonder if he was starting to learn how to slow it down. 


End file.
